She Will Be Remembered!I received a very sad phone call last night - one of my quilting friends passed away suddenly earlier this week. I'll spare you the details because they are not significant however since the phone call and subsequent phone calls I placed to tell other friends of her passing I've had many, many thoughts run through my mind. The last time we were together we were sitting around a table at a quilting retreat in late February laughing, laughing, laughing, and laughing. I don't remember what we were laughing about but I do remember we were very happy and relaxed. A great memory to have of my friend.
I hope that you'll indulge me this post. I'll start with the old cliche "life is too short" - how often do we forget that life is definitely too short and we never know what will happen in the next minute or two. As I've gotten older (but not necessarily wiser) I have tried to live a much simpler way of life - trying to treat others as I want to be treated; trying to find joy every day; trying to be kinder and gentler to my loved ones; trying to avoid those that just want to inflict pain, physically and mentally and so on. I had two situations this week that make my friend's passing even more significant - I was told that I was too happy and therefore annoying and I was called a b---h (this because something wasn't available that someone wanted). I don't understand how being happy can be annoying but I guess that's not my problem, is it? And, why is it my fault that something isn't available - I didn't deserve to be called an ugly name. These are things that happened in my everyday life. And, in my blogging world I've also experienced meanness - I've received e-mails regarding the fact that I seem to be void of originality and seem to copy what everyone else is doing; there's no excuse for my having a ton of quilt tops (aka flimsies) that aren't quilted; there's no excuse for the fact that I have lots and lots of quilts all over my home. Why do these things matter to anyone? How are these things affecting someone else's world? Sharing and finding joy is what life should be about.
This all brings me full circle to "life is too short" and "live and let live" - it's so important to be kind to those around you and live your life in a peaceful manner.
There's a new star in the sky and "she" will be remembered.
In Friendship!
55 comments:
I am sorry to hear of your fiends death. You are right life and to short. Some poeple are also to self consummed and that is the reason they behave the way they do. Don't change what you do, who cares how many unquiilted tops you have or how many quilts your have or if you happen to be doing what others are doing, at least you are doing what you like and you are happy with you. I like you quilts, I like reading your blog. Take time to take care of yourself this weekend. Prayers for you and the family of your friend.
I too am sorry to hear of your friend's death. It's so hard to loose people we love. What can we give others that means as much as a bit of joy....laughing and relaxing is a great way to be remembered.
I cannot understand why anyone would say you have too many quilts, tops, or anything else. People who are unhappy in their personal life can only feel better if they make someone else miserable. So forget the mean people. Let them comment on each other's blogs! Let's all make a promise to delete ugly comments and live our happy lives!
Prayers for you and your friend's loved ones!
I so agree with everything dot and paula said. It is so hard to lose a good friend. It really makes you look at your own life differently.
As I have gotten older (and somewhat wiser, considering where I started!) I have realized that you can only live your life and if you do that well, you will influence or affect other people's lives as they allow it but you are not responsible for their choices and they have no say in yours!
Criticism can be helpful when it is something in you that could use improving but being too happy? too many flimsies? too many quilts? GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!
Love and Prayers, Alicia
So sorry to hear about your friend. I find that as we get older we lose more and more people. I was at an uncle's memorial service and many of the people there were in their 80's and looking pretty frail. It makes you realize how fragile life it. It's too short and fragile to be less happy because some sad sack is annoyed. As for the quilts, find me a quilter with no ufo's. I'm sure there isn't such a creature.
Life is short. Please don't let negative comments ruin your week. I ordered the Polka Dot Girls because of you! I had to laugh at your pile of new fabrics, because I think I have all of the same Moda lines out. I'm waiting for them to talk to me. Enjoy your day and the good memories of your friend.
I also offer my sympathies. Your post is so heart-felt and touching. I wish you the very best during this time of sadness.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I hope that you, as well as her family, find comfort from the joyful memories of her life.
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. And I am also sorry to hear about the negative comments you've received. Why should that person have the right to judge you so harshly? She must have been very petty to take time out of her life to make you feel bad.
No one can have too many quilts or flimsies, you are following your passions and you are a generous person from what I've seen on your blog. Who cares what mean people think? :)
Oh Darlene....I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I love you just the way you are. ((((((hugs)))))))
Darlene, I am very sorry for your loss. A good friend is so special and will be missed greatly. I'm happy that your last memory together was a good one.
Sad news, indeed. I'm so sorry, dear, and I can imagine your sorrow. When we have to face such unexpected events, we suddenly remember to enjoy every minute, and to live NOW... I'm totally convinced that Eternal Life resides in the memories we leave to our family and friends, and in the fact that they keep telling about us, long after our passing away. My beloved grandmother died 20 years ago. She was such a strong and funny woman. Not one day passes without me telling about her. To me, that's Eternal Life, she is and will be remembered, just as your friend will... (BIG special ((hug)) to you, dear !)...
I'm sooo sorry (and angry too) that you're keeping getting such mean emails, not to speak about those really mean local comments, and even insults ! How dare these women ? What's their problem ? Jealousy ? Frustration ? Envy ? Hormons ? Why can't some people just rejoice for others ? What do they know about your life, which by the way is none of their business !...
You know I've experienced some mean "friendly" advices, too. Not later than last week, it happened again; when I was told I'd better look around me, instead of "living selfishly on my quilt dream planet, which by the way doesn't produce anything so interesting !"
It hurted and I felt miserable. But then, in a flash, I decided to be a Melanie (ref. "Gone with the Wind"): I took my courage and answered very quietly "I'm sure you don't really mean what you're saying, or then you must feel sooo miserable and unhappy to speak in such bitter words !"... I'm not very courageous, I was not at ease and thought "she's gonna hit me", but she just went away - crying. Whew ! Such a relief... and it felt so good.
I'm 56, and I'm only slowly realizing that people do owe me respect, as I do respect them. It's never too late :>)
There is a time to deliberately ignore meanness, but there comes a time when you have to show who you are, in respect of yourself - and with elegance, if possible.
When I'm in quilter's heaven, I don't want hearing my friends say : "she was sooo kind, you could tell her anything ! She never took it wrong !....hmmmm, I guess she was a bit weak, somehow, bla, bla...."
I want (wish) to hear :
" she was sooo funny, always laughing and with a happy character. But mind you : she would not let anyone walk on her feet !".... Amen :>)
Sorry for this looooong post, my dear friend.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts and in my heart.
Keep going,
keep laughing,
keep quilting,
keep blogging and, by all means,
keep requiring RESPECT towards YOURSELF and your beautiful soul,
you deserve it so much !
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
NADINE
I agree whole heartedly with the other comments!!
Condolences and kepp quilting!
(((Darlene)))) I am so sorry for your loss of a dear friend.
Such sad news Darlene, my condolences to you and your friends family.
I'm so happy that you're not allowing others comments rule how you life or enjoy your life. Joy is a choice, just as being mean spirited is a choice. I choose to find pleasure in each day, just as I'm sure you do. Too many quilts, humpf, don't they know it's the best sort of insulation a quilter could ever have..... If what you do brings you pleasure then that's all that's important... Ok I could go on but I think everyone else has said, plus I knoe, that you know it....
(((hugs)))) to you my friend.
I'm sorry to hear you lost a friend, that is always a difficult time. Take it slowly and cherish your wonderful memories.
As for the rest, you can't do much about the dissatisfaction some people seem to feel in their lives. Live your life as best you can, which obviously you are doing, and let the rest run by you. It's hard not to take the negativity of others to heart, but it's their problem, not yours.
If they are concerned about your flimsies, your "lack or originality" or the fact that you don't have what they want when they want, they clearly have chosen the wrong focus in their lives.
Oh, and if all had original ideas all the time, what would the lovely people who are quilt/fabric designers and pattern writers do for a living?
Keep well.
I don't know what I can say that has not already been said. I'm sorry for your loss, and happy that you have such good memories of her.
And those mean people? they don't deserve your attention.xoxo
I'm so sorry about your friend. What a blessing that you remember such a fun time with her! Those crabby people are just JEALOUS that you have passion for something. ::::raspberries on them::::::
Oh Darlene my dear friend...my thoughts are with you and I'm sending you huge hugs. Keep those good memories of your friend with you...as for the ugly people, my very wise mom would say...you just have to feel sorry for them, their mother's didn't teach them good manners...feel sorry for them, they are just very pitiful people. Oh my, mom has gotten so wise.
Darlene
I am so sorry to hear about your friends death. I lost my 59 yo mum last year and it brought home to me how very fragile life can be, she wasn't sick and she was overseas on holidays when it happened.
Negative people? hmmm I try to treat others how I would like to be treated, was called worse than the B word (it started with a C) and I have slowly eroded these people out of my life. I dont speak to them when I see them. One of these people recently, I seen out shopping, she has done nothing but badmouth me (for no reason I might add) around town, so she was with her DH and in the supermarket yelled out how rude I was for ignoring her?? hmm can't work people out..
so what I am saying, in life we find mostly lovely people and the rest? just ignore them, it aint worth the stress!
take care and lots of quilty huggers to you!
Lissa
Australia
PS there is no such thing as too many quilts/quilt tops/fabric..
Oh how sad to lose a good friend.
And how can someone being happy be irritating?
Doing quilts that are original is great but doing what others are doing does no harm. Just give credit to the original design/designer. There are lots of pattern designers and quilt shops that hope you will do exactly that to keep them in business.
And collections of quilt tops are fine, if that is what makes you happy.
Your post is a lovely tribute to your friend - she is happy to have had YOU for a friend.
Your enthusiasm and cheerfulness comes through in your blog, and for that, YOU make ME happy. My word, I cannot imagine what is WRONG with someone complaining about being happy! Silly world, isn't it. Apparently your gift is not given to everyone.
Hey Sweetie, just got back from an intense 3 day seminar with Ricky Tims in Glens Falls. I wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and that you are perfect just the way you are. You are such a sweetheart! I am sorry to hear about your friend, please accept my deepest condolesces. BTW, when are you coming over with your mud booths? Ya know, mud season is almost over! I promise to make fun mud pies! Arriva arriva undeney undenay <- I never know how to spell that! :oP
Darlene, I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. You have joyous memories of your last time together, and that will sustain you through the grief.
As for the green-eyed monsters in your life, don't spend a moment thinking about them. Please know that you are an inspiration to us, we appreciate you, and your happiness is infectious! (Hugs)
I'm sorry to read about the loss of your friend how nice that you are able to share your happy memories of time spent with her.
I hope you avoid letting negative comments spoil your pleasure in blogging. My feeling is that if someone doesn't like the content or enjoy reading my blog they should probably NOT visit it. At any rate, I consider it their problem not mine.
First let me say how sorry I am to hear your news. It must be such a sad time but you have such happy memories of this lady so I hope that will bring you great comfort. I'm thinking of your and sending cyber (((hugs))
As for being too happy...good grief! The only reason someone would have cause to say that is due to their own insecurities. Take no notice and carry on doing what you love. What a gift it is to have happiness and joy on this earth. I hope you never feel the need to apologize for being creative in whatever way that makes you happy. Being creative take courage because at the end of the day you are having a go and one never knows from that starting point that it's going to be perfect..and that's half the fun.
Take care!
Jane
Hi Darlene, I'm so sorry to read about your loss of a friend. It's hard to lose someone you care about. But she's in a better place for sure.
Dont worry about the nasty commentors we've all had our share of mean women!!! Just ignore them. What do they know anyway right?
Hugs,
Sharon
Using hubby's e-mail that's why the anonymous.
I'm so sorry for you for the loss of your friend, Darlene! And I'm happy your memories of her are happy ones :o)
And I want to thank you for a post for thought! Yes, "live and let live"! - because why should people be nasty and jealous towards each other? Only comfort is to know that you do what you love! (and know I love your work and your blog - you sound like such a lovely, and fun person!). You behave towards others as you want them to behave towards you - and if someone has a problem with that, they probably have some problems with themselves...
Take care! {{{Big hugs}}}}
Dear, Darlene! Me again...
Over the last few days I have received messages that: "Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently: [your e-mail]" when I have left comments on your blog. My comments appears in the comment section, but I was wondering if you get them through to your e-mail...
I know you are very busy, so don't hurry to respond to this... Just wanted to let you know I read you! And I love your blog and your quilting! And don't let anyone giving you nasty comments take your passion and your creativity away from you!
Take care! Hugs from Anne Ida
So sorry about the loss of your friend.
You are right to try to be happy and follow your passion. It doesn't affect anyone else that you have a lot of quilts - you live a creative and productive life and that is something to be proud of:)
You are such a STRONG person, which I really admire. You can see that someone else's negativity and meanness is not your problem. I felt refreshed after I read this post. BTW, I love your blog.
My arms are stretched across this vast country of ours to wrap you in hugs to try to ease some of your pain. You are a very special friend, Dazey, and you just need to be the lovely person you are. I'm so very sad for you and the lose of your friend.
Thank you for your inspiring post Darlene. Sorry to hear you lost a friend. Friends that you can laugh with are especially wonderful! Focus on your positive memories and your life joy. Don't let the negative/angry people get you down.
The world needs more people like YOU!
Darlene - so sorry to hear about the loss of a special friend. It's so true that life is short and we need to enjoy the daily blessings of life. I've also started in the last few years to concentrate on what makes me and my family happy and to eliminate those things or people from my life who add only stress, anger and unhappiness to my life. It's not always been easy, but in the end I always feel so much better and that pit in the stomach that sometimes comes with these issues gets smaller and smaller. Life your life with the passion that makes you happy. Happy people attract happy people and the rest take care of themselves.
Hugs - Karen
How sad about your friend, but I love the fact you have a wonderful last memory of her. She will live in your heart and mind forever just that way!
Life is short and precious, and people seem to forget that fact when they are going about their daily lives. Nothing is so important to have that you should be called a name over it - I remember my days in retail, and it wasn't easy to keep people happy certain days. I did my best to shrug it off, and was very happy that I didn't have to live with them! LOL!
As for your quilts, I don't understand why it's anyone's business how many you have or why they aren't quilted, etc. You're just living your quilting happiness the way you choose to, and it's not hurting anyone, so why should they care? Just ignore them - they can spread their unhappiness elsewhere! You must know you are wonderful just the way you are.
H'moosies!!!!!!
Life is too short - and we never really remember that until something forces us to - like the death of a friend. I am sorry for your loss.
I think anyone who comments that you are annoying because you are happy is just jealous because they are not happy - very strange comment that is for sure. I find as I get older I am less and less tolerant of people - either that or people are just getting more annoying - I'm not sure which.
My comment to your last post was bounced back to my email - so we will see if this one gets through.
It's so sad to loose a dear friend, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I loved reading so many encouraging comments you received. Life is short and happy people do attract happy people. I want to be around happy people and it shows on your blog. I love reading it everyday. I too have simplified my life and love everyday.
Do what makes you feel good.
How sad that your friend has passed away. I lost someone dear recently as well, and it is so hard to accept it.
On the other subject, it amazes me that people would criticize how you choose to do things. You just can't take it all personally. Some people are just mean, as you say.
My heart is hurting with you for the loss of your friend. When my Mother died she had 13 quilt tops that she hadn't quilted. We counted each one a joy and gladly had them quilted. I have a china cabinet that has not one piece of china in it but is full up with quilts. They are on my walls and on my sofas and on my beds. They give my heart joy. Don't let anyone take away the happiness your quilts give you, no matter what stage of the quilting process they are in!
Everything I can think of to write has already been written here in your comments by others so I will say that I agree with them. Because life is short, you can't let the negative person(s) get you down. Just keep on wearing your smile, living your life, and doing what you do...you're very special and loved by many and have many friends.
Hi Darlene,
I am saddened to hear of the loss of your friend- she was well loved and well remembered by you.
Life is too short and it is obvious that you choose to celebrate its gifts and live with joy and laughter. That is a wonderful way to live - we all should be so fortunate to view life in that way. As for other people evaluating what we make or how many quilts are unfinished - they are not worth the time or negative energy. You create beautiful quilts and give others lovely gifts like your pin cushions. We all express our quilt talents in different ways that bring us our own pleasure and satisfaction. Don't let someone else's mean spiritedness take away from your joy of making quilts.
May the memories of your friend bring you comfort and solace at this time.
Regards from a Western Canadian Quilter,
Anna
((((Darlene))))
I am so sorry to hear about your friends passing. I know how hard it is to lose a dear friend, I am glad your last memories together are of laughter shared.
I don't know who on earth would say such mean things to you but I love what you do and look forward to your newest creations. The whole idea of blogging is sharing ideas and that means getting inspiration from what others do...so sometimes that may mean copying..whatever... I do it all the time, in fact anytime any of us use a pattern we're "copying" what's wrong with that? Nothing :) And the whole b***h thing...hello? Are they serious? You? I hardly think so.
You are dearly loved my big sis, so just continue to ignore these people. I will keep you and your friends family in my prayers.
so sorry to hear about your friend
and some people are just too rude! ((hugglies))
Darlene, I too send my sympathies at the loss of your friend. I will pray for her family.
As for the meanies out there, we have talked of this and I think they should be "outted". E-mail me a nasty one time and that is ok. Keep it up and I think your e-mails should be put on my blog for all to see....since you have such words to share, why not share them with everyone. I never get more than one nasty e-mail from someone because they are then told what will happen. I loved Nadine's reply!!! (((hugs)))
I'm so sorry about your dear friend - you are so right about life being short and we should do things that make us happy and not worry about others. After all it's our one spin around this earth and we should do everything we can to make ourselves happy and those that we love.
Hugs - Karen
Sorry to hear of your friend passing.
Sometimes it can be hard to be happy, but when ever we can be, we should make the most of it, and why some people try to stop others from being happy I don't understand.
I am sorry for the loss of your friend.
Poo on all the mean people out there. I am glad you are in my circle!
Aw Darlene, so sad. Its hard to let a friend go. Good memories are the best thing to hold onto. I wish her family and friends peace.
So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. And, Amen to your comments about happiness!
I'm sorry to hear of your friend's death.
Don't worry what other people say about you and your quilting. If you're happy with what you have and what you do, that is all that matters.
Sorry to read this about your friend. Sending big warm hugs your way.
darlene, don't think about people telling you that you're "too happy" (is that possible even?) or that you are a copycat (again...nothing new under the sun, folks!). you keep on being happy and living today for what it is...a gift. those that miss those very important points (the ones that said ^^ to you) are the ones that are missing out.
keep on keeping on.....
tracey
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I am sure she will always be remembered. - Evelyn
Darlene, so sorry about the loss of your friend. A good time to reflect on the things in life that bring joy to us and others.
I don't understand these people who seem to take pleasure in being cruel. It seems to be happening with greater frequency these days. I say "spread sunshine all over the place!"
I am so sorry to hear about your friend's passing Darlene.
I have also been called names, offline and online, for being who I am, loving my fabrics and my quilting.
It comes from the same corner all the time, so I am exercising not taking it to heart (to much)
Well - as you say, life is to short.... lets enjoy the days, our creativity, our flimsies, our patterns, books, ideas, fabrics and all the good things life gives.
Warm hugs to you Darlene - for being exactly who you are !!
I've just discovered your blog. I'm very sorry about you losing your dear friend. Don't take any notice of those mean people they will only make you miserable like they must be themselves. Surround yourself with people that you love and make you feel positive and happy. Life is definitely too short.
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